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家长信—同学相处

每个人都会经历一段从别人眼中衡量自己的成长过程。当一个孩子经常被否定，他最终可能会讨厌自己，无法相信别人，而这样的观念有时会跟着他一辈子。其实很多孩子都会在学校经历这样的问题，通常能够从老师和家中长辈身上获得肯定和安慰的孩子，较能应付同学的排挤。如果孩子在学校遇到这样的问题，家长可以：

（一）给予情绪上的支持
如果孩子在学校被否定，他们在家中一定要感觉被接纳。家长要耐心聆听他们的问题，避免批判性的言辞或乱下判断，家长的接纳与理解，对在学校被拒绝的孩子来说是最好的情绪避风港和倚靠。

（二）寻找解决方法
了解了孩子所面对的困难后，家长应协助他一起探讨个中的原因，并寻找解决方法。对于经常遭校霸欺负的学生，最好的方法就是远离校霸，亲近其他同学。如果自己的孩子在学校不受欢迎，可尝试教他们如何设身处地为别人着想。在孩子无法自救的情况下，家长应该主动跟学校老师联系，采取保护孩子的最佳途径。必要时，甚至可以和校霸的家长合作，制止欺负的事件继续发生。

反思:
除了询问学校的功课外，你是否有拨出时间和孩子沟通，聆听他们在学校所发生的生活琐事？除此以外，你还和孩子讨论什么话题吗？

您可从“抱抱我的心—25封孩子的信”一书中得到更多辅导孩子议题处理小贴示。请按这里     

如有询问，请联络:
关怀辅导中心
电话:  6353-1180; 电邮:cccc@carecorner.org.sg
免费华文辅导热线：1800- 3535 800

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Relationship with Classmates

Everyone goes through a process of forming self-perception through interaction with others during their developmental stages. If children are often rejected, they may eventually view themselves as unlovable, and are unable to trust others. This perception may stay throughout their lives.  Unfortunately, children do face rejections at some stages of their life in school. Usually, children are better in handling rejection from peers if they are able to find comfort and support from significant others in their lives, such as their parents or teachers.  For adults whose children face such rejections in school, you may wish to: 

1) Offer emotional support
It is important for children to feel accepted at home if they feel rejected in school. Parents need to be patient and listen to their children. Refrain from being judgmental or critical when they talk about their difficult experiences in school. Parent's acceptance and empathy will serve as a strong buffer to counter unpleasant treatment in school.   

2) Working out solutions
Paying attention to children’s concerns and gaining understanding of their struggles faced are also crucial in helping them deal with the issues.  Upon understanding the problems, it is helpful to explore with them reasons behind the problems and identify solutions that work for them.  For children who encounter bullying, avoiding the bully and staying close to friends may be helpful. Similarly, for children who are unpopular, teaching them to be considerate to others would be helpful.  Under certain circumstances, if children are unable to exercise self-defence, parents may need to take protective steps, for example, to work closely with teachers, or even parents of the bully to stop the harassments.

Reflection:
Do you set aside a time specifically to talk to your children about their school experiences besides homework? What else will you talk to them about?   

More counselling tips on children’s issues can be found in the book “Hugs For The Heart - 25 Letters from Children” click on link

For enquiries, please contact:
Care Corner Counselling Centre
Tel: 6353-1180;  Email: cccc@carecorner.org.sg
Toll Free Mandarin Hotline: 1800-3535 800