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家长信—自我认同

每位家长和老师都希望自己的孩子成大器。要达到这一点，孩子需要先学习自我接纳。孩子从婴儿阶段开始，便受到身边亲近的人的影响，就像树木需要水和阳光一样，孩子需要大人的爱与接纳，才能有健康的心灵。

曾有人这么说，我们这一生做的事只有两个目的：一是得到爱；二是弥补生命中所缺乏的爱。我们大多数的问题来自于我们童年时缺乏爱。当孩子犯错、挣扎时，他们仍需要长辈的接纳。而家长往往因为自己也面对压力而忽略了孩子的需要，这会重创幼小的心灵。

令人难过的是，在现今的家庭里，孩子常常因为学校成绩不能达到父母的要求，而感觉不被父母接纳，或者在学校被老师责备懒惰、不爱学习，被同学嘲笑身材太胖等。这些无法被接纳、认同的孩子，忧伤与单纯的思维里，有时会出现以自杀来解决问题。而当孩子踏入青少年阶段，很可能产生心理学所谓的“转移” 现象，即把从父母或监护人那里需要得到的认同，转移到任何肯“接纳”他的人身上。 这个人如果不怀好意，将对孩子造成莫大的伤害。

满足物质上的需要和帮助孩子争取好成绩固然重要， 但对孩子来说，更重要的是，无论他们达到或达不到我们的要求，都能被接纳。花时间陪伴他们、跟他们沟通，这会是他们将来成功的堡垒。参与孩子的成长，现在他们未必会感激，但会让他们永远铭记在心。

反思：
你曾为孩子/学生做了什么让他们感觉被接纳？

以上文章载取自 <大拇指> 与关怀辅导中心联合编著 “抱抱我的心” 一书

如有询问，请联络:
关怀辅导中心
电话:  6353-1180; 电邮: cccc@carecorner.org.sg
免费华文辅导热线：1800- 3535 800

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Self-Acceptance

Every parent and teacher hopes to see their children succeed in life. Therefore, it is essential to cultivate a healthy personality in them during their developmental stages, beginning from infancy.  Self-acceptance is an intrinsic core-need of every child.  Just like plants need water and sunlight to grow, a child needs lots of love and acceptance from their significant others. 

Someone once said: For everything we do in life, it's to be loved and to compensate for the lack of love. Much of our problems can be traced back to "love withheld" during the childhood years. A child needs the significant others to accept them in their struggles, regardless of their mistakes. Parents at times withdraw acceptance unknowingly when they themselves are under tremendous pressure. There is nothing more destructive to the evolving young personality than feeling unloved or unaccepted by someone whom a child deems important.

Sadly, it is quite common for children to grow up in families where they feel a lack of acceptance when they fail to meet parents' and teachers' expectations in terms of results. Some children may also be ridiculed by peers for being overweight. These children in their sad and simple mind may sometimes consider suicide as the easiest solution. When they become teenagers, the psychological phenomenon of "transference" takes place. They transfer the need for acceptance from parents and significant others to anyone that offer them acceptance. If this person harbors ill intentions, the outcome will be detrimental to the children's well being.

Providing for material needs and helping our children get good results are indeed important. More importantly however, is to show appreciation to them, spend time and communicate with them regardless of how well they meet our expectation. This will provide a powerful launching pad for their future. 

Your participation during their growing up years, though often not appreciated presently, will be kept in their heart throughout their life.

Reflection:
Have you done something for your child/ student to make him/her feel accepted and loved?

This article has been taken from the book “Hugs for the Heart”, which is jointly produced by Care Corner Counselling Centre and Thumbs Up.

For enquiries, please contact:
Care Corner Counselling Centre
Tel: 6353-1180;  Email: cccc@carecorner.org.sg
Toll Free Mandarin Hotline: 1800-3535 800